Gray

Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday.

*sigh*

Green

There is a saying, a rather obvious saying, that goes something like this: "Winners never lose," or "I'm a Winner, so therefor, I don't lose." This saying is the most false saying I have ever heard. I have met people who never lose, and they are some of the worst people I have ever met. These so called winners, always become pompous - not almost always, always. If they aren't conceited right at the start, they will eventually become so, and look at everyone else as losers and scum. Sadly, this is the world's definition of someone who wins at something all the time. If this is a winner, than I would prefer to be a loser.

Honestly, I have never been the best at anything. I've been acknowledged, and even praised, for the things I've done; but in no way have I ever been considered the best. I've always come close; I've always been second-to-best, but never once the winner. It's just who I am... Of course -- if I followed the rules winners want us "losers" to follow, I should wallow in self-pity and make myself feel even worse for "losing." I must admit that I have occasionally done this, but part of me is to just move on and not let things bother me. And plus this whole self-pity thing, it against everything I have ever been taught; and that is, to learn from my mistakes. It is learning from a mistake that a person becomes stronger, better, best. Learning is the key to becoming a winner, and - following the world's definition - most winners have learned close to nothing.

Most people look at the world as being separated into winners and losers, black and white -- gray does not exist. Everyone - every single person - is in fact, gray. Even the people that never lose at anything are gray. Why? Because they have officially lost at winning; the moment they think they are better than you, they lose. Like I said earlier, I have never been the best at anything. It is this small part of my life that keeps me gray. The fact that I never completely win, and am constantly losing, keeps me very gray. I am positive that if I constantly won, I wouldn't even hesitant to flaunt this in your face. I don't deserve to win, because I can't handle winning. It is the second-best prize that gives me just enough of winner and just enough of loser, to keep me beautifully gray.

There is saying, that goes something like this: "Winners never lose." This saying is false; so I've corrected it:

True Winners love to lose; because they win at that too.

Blue: I Bet the Duck is in that Hat

I was watching Glee tonight, and I cried. I can honestly say that I cried. I'm not sure what it was; maybe a bunch of bottled emotion, and a song was enough to bring it out. Anyway, I cried because Finn sang a song to "his" unborn daughter. He wasn't ever planning on ever sticking around for her, and he worried about her feeling abandoned. He sang the song "I'll Stand by You" by the Pretenders... He sang it to the monogram, and cried. And his mom saw him, and he confessed about Quinn being Pregnant -- Both started crying, while Finn's mom held him in her arms.

The crying helped... But now I feel sad again.

Later in the episode, he told Quinn's parents. They kicked Quinn out. It pissed me off. I hate people like that. How could someone do that to their own child, whom they supposedly love. I realized I could never do that to my daughter if this ever happened. Even if it is against everything I believe in, and everything she has been taught, I couldn't throw her out of my house. I would do as the before mentioned song says. I'd stand by her. She made a mistake and she would need me more than ever before. She'd need help, care, and most importantly love. Just because I wouldn't approve of the choice she made, she is still my daughter.

Of course, this is all figuratively speaking. This is only what I would do. I don't have a daughter.

And then finally, I came to the realization that the generation of young-adults that I'm in is vastly different than our parents. We're going to make a very different world, and very different parents. Most parents today would probably kick their daughter out if she got pregnant and had been taught to abstain. When my generation are parents, most of us wouldn't care very much. Of course we would be sad that our child is being forced to grow up too fast, and having to make huge decisions you never wanted them to make. But we would love our children, and give them everything they need... They wouldn't have to do it alone.

I look forward to the better place that while be my generation's adult world.

Red

Oh my gosh! He is so stupid, fat, annoying, ugly, frustrating, selfish and rude.

Purple

I have officially decided that teenagers can go through a "mid-life crisis." It is more like a mid-teenage-life crisis, but it's happening. It's kind of at that point where you are so close to being an adult, that you sense the wave of responsibility coming on, but you keeping looking back at being a kid. You suddenly get so freaked out by the oncoming responsibility that you just crash... I'm in that right now. I'm not doing anything. I feel like a failure. And I'm stuck with the overwhelming fear that my dreams won't come true.

Having to fill out my application for BYU really brought this on. I was struck with the thought: What if I don't get in? And, really, what if I don't. Everything is ruined; there is no possible way I can be what I want to be. I don't have a back-up plan... I've always been set on the animation program at BYU. If I don't make it in, where do I go?

I suppose I better go read the book Oh, The Places You'll Go.

~Josh

Red

I have officially decided that my Chron's Disease is only so bad right now because of a certain person - if you can call him that. Chron's Disease is triggered by stress and bottled up emotions. I have so much bottled up anger everyday, that I ended up being sick the rest of the night. It sucks. He is honestly the worst person I have ever met, and I have seriously considered moving to my dad's for some time now... But I don't think I will like it there either, so I just need to last until next August.

Yellow!

This weekend has been really amazing! To name a few things why: I saw Toy Story in 3D, ate a full-rack of ribs, and it was conference weekend... I'm pretty sure the last one beats everything else though.

But! The main reason I wanted to post is because of this strange thought I had. I don't even know what triggered it, and I know this will make people think. I have a few friends that are writing to missionaries. It's weird because I've known these friends for awhile, and I was hit with the realization that we're older. We're older now, and they are actually writing these missionaries hoping to have a relationship with them when they get back. They're probably hoping to marry these guys. Then I came up with another thought... They are at least two to three years younger than these guys. So, basically, they were freshman in high school when these missionaries were seniors. So, I could be writing some of the freshman girls in my school when I'm a missionary. They could be hoping to have a relationship with me... It was a really weird thought.

Why does being a Senior in high school all the sudden make everything feel like it is rushing at you super fast? That you have almost no time whatsoever to plan, and everyone is telling you that the decisions you make now will effect the rest of your life. It's scary.

Purple

Am I a hypochondriac if I think I have mono every time I feel super tired? I don't know. I've had mono three times before, so I know what it feels like. (And for those of you who think you can only get mono once, that is a lie. You can actually get it easier if you have had it once before.) I've been sick for about three weeks now... I had a cold and never quiet gotten over it. And I have been exhausted lately. I'm already dead tired and it is only nine. I will end up going to bed soon and will still be dead tired in the morning... I have mono. I know it.

Orange

Imagination; noun; 1: the act or power of forming a mental image of something not present to the senses or never before wholly perceived in reality; 2: creative ability; 3: a creation of the mind, especially, an idealized or poetic creation

I love imagination. No. More specifically, I love my imagination. It sounds conceited to say so, but it is a more enjoyable life to love things about yourself. My imagination is the only reason I am who I am. My imagination is very creative, very out there, and - if I dare to sound like more of a narcissist - it's better. Without my imagination, or anyone's for that matter, there isn't much to my life, or life in general. Everyone would be robots; copies of each other, just walking around living monotonous lives of dreary depression. But with imagination the world is bright, there's more to it than the tangible. The tree I can see outside the window isn't just a tree; it's a gigantic fortress for the king of the bugs, where he rules his kingdom by sending out messages on the occasional leave that blows away. Anything can be anything else. Who says everything is only exactly what it is? The imaginative makes life better. People aren't people without imagination.

Why do I bring up imagination? Because this week has been a very amazing week for mine. It hasn't seemed to stop working, and I relish in these weeks. I live for each time this happens. The thrill of a sudden burst of imaginative genius is more exciting than any Christmas... I was going to say roller coaster, but there isn't much of a comparison beside the obvious - roller coasters are horrible, and genius moments are exciting. I'm thankful for this week. It's helped a lot; because before this week, I was stuck in the deep rut of un-originality and artistic block. It was horrible. I didn't feel like myself, but I got over it this week. I drew another octopus. He is green. He is awesome. He is depressed. And, He is mine. Plus, continuing with the theme of sea creatures, I thought of another idea for my wordless picture book. (The first was actually about imagination... I might post it sometime). It's about a blowfish, and I might include this green octopus. I'm excited for this idea, and it will turn out amazing - like The Turtle King!

Anyway, I feel like this is getting long. So:

Oh My Gosh! Goodbye Josh!