Purple

I have officially decided that teenagers can go through a "mid-life crisis." It is more like a mid-teenage-life crisis, but it's happening. It's kind of at that point where you are so close to being an adult, that you sense the wave of responsibility coming on, but you keeping looking back at being a kid. You suddenly get so freaked out by the oncoming responsibility that you just crash... I'm in that right now. I'm not doing anything. I feel like a failure. And I'm stuck with the overwhelming fear that my dreams won't come true.

Having to fill out my application for BYU really brought this on. I was struck with the thought: What if I don't get in? And, really, what if I don't. Everything is ruined; there is no possible way I can be what I want to be. I don't have a back-up plan... I've always been set on the animation program at BYU. If I don't make it in, where do I go?

I suppose I better go read the book Oh, The Places You'll Go.

~Josh

Red

I have officially decided that my Chron's Disease is only so bad right now because of a certain person - if you can call him that. Chron's Disease is triggered by stress and bottled up emotions. I have so much bottled up anger everyday, that I ended up being sick the rest of the night. It sucks. He is honestly the worst person I have ever met, and I have seriously considered moving to my dad's for some time now... But I don't think I will like it there either, so I just need to last until next August.

Yellow!

This weekend has been really amazing! To name a few things why: I saw Toy Story in 3D, ate a full-rack of ribs, and it was conference weekend... I'm pretty sure the last one beats everything else though.

But! The main reason I wanted to post is because of this strange thought I had. I don't even know what triggered it, and I know this will make people think. I have a few friends that are writing to missionaries. It's weird because I've known these friends for awhile, and I was hit with the realization that we're older. We're older now, and they are actually writing these missionaries hoping to have a relationship with them when they get back. They're probably hoping to marry these guys. Then I came up with another thought... They are at least two to three years younger than these guys. So, basically, they were freshman in high school when these missionaries were seniors. So, I could be writing some of the freshman girls in my school when I'm a missionary. They could be hoping to have a relationship with me... It was a really weird thought.

Why does being a Senior in high school all the sudden make everything feel like it is rushing at you super fast? That you have almost no time whatsoever to plan, and everyone is telling you that the decisions you make now will effect the rest of your life. It's scary.